Crowds
by RunFarAwayWithMe
Summary: On a school trip Aria struggles to hide her anxiety from Spencer as the crowds become too much. Sparia friendship.
1. Chapter 1

The school field trip was to a small museum an hour drive away from Rosewood and Spencer and Aria had been put in the same group. While Spencer was avidly writing notes on everything they saw, Aria tried to focus on the little things around her. The museum didn't have big enough walkways to fit more than four people across so they had to travel in tightly packed groups, and she was trying to remember something her therapist may have said to help distract her. None of the girls knew that her parents had her seeing a new therapist, and she didn't plan on telling anyone at all. It would be simple – see this new one for a few weeks, get better, and then everything would be back to normal. That was the plan she had eight weeks ago at least, but nothing had seemed to get better.

Talking was supposed to help, which was probably the reason why Aria hadn't yet progressed anywhere. Every session was sat either in silence or talking about pointless topics, such as what models were wearing the previous night on America's Next Top Model. She didn't even watch that programme, but neither did her therapist so it was a fun activity trying to make up all the outfits on the spot. Anytime the conversation drifted towards how Aria felt in big crowds of people she would nod and say, "I'm getting better," before hurriedly talking about the lasagne her dad tried and failed to cook earlier in the week.

The tour guide moved their group around the corner and a small look of relief was evident on everyone's faces as they thought it was the end of the exhibit. What they hadn't seen yet was the sign saying _Exhibit continues upstairs_. "Hey, that looks like something Miss Danbridge would wear," Spencer joked quietly in Aria's ear whilst pointing at a grotesque fur-covered animal behind a glass wall. The ends of Aria's mouth turned up into a smile but Spencer could tell that she was distracted. She had been like this for a while, but Spencer hadn't wanted to bring it up. Just like Hanna and Emily had a connection, she felt that she and Aria had the same. She could tell when something wasn't quite right, and she knew there must be a reason – if only she could figure it out.

As the guide finished talking everyone began walking towards the coffee shop sign, but before they could get close enough to smell the coffee beans they were being directed towards the elevator. Even Spencer was getting tired of making endless notes on stuffed animals, but she dragged her heels by Aria's side towards the metal doors. It was only when those doors started opening that she heard the tiny gasp from her side as if someone were crying, and as she turned her head she noticed that quiet tears were running down Aria's cheeks.

Instantly she placed her hand lightly on Aria's arm, and the smaller girl seemed to respond instantly by grabbing onto part of Spencer's shirt at her waist. She was anxious to hold onto something familiar and calming, and Spencer was in reach. "What's wrong?" Spencer asked but there was no response, not even eye contact. Everyone around them was talking in loud voices, using gossip to numb the dullness of the trip. Aria's mouth was moving but if any sound was coming out it was almost silent. Spencer leant closer and managed to hear the words, "I can't do this."

Aria wiped away the tears from her face and clenched her jaw for a moment before repeating, "Please, no more people." Hoping that she had understood what Aria was saying, Spencer held tightly onto Aria's arm and pulled her out of the crowd before they were pushed onto the small elevator. She saw an emergency exit at the side of the building and pushed through more visitors so that they could reach it. When they did, she pushed open the door and pulled Aria into the fresh air. "What's wrong?" she asked again, hoping for a more distinct answer.

With all the sound of gossip and people moving about taken away, Spencer was able to hear Aria's breathing. It was short and sharp, as though someone had taken away her lungs and replaced them with thimbles. "Aria, look at me," Spencer demanded; her voice blunt enough to finally draw Aria's attention and eye contact. "You're okay, I promise," she said and placed one of her hands over Aria's, which was still clutching tightly onto her shirt. "It's okay – there's no one around out here but me."

After about twenty more seconds Aria seemed to calm down and the panic in her eyes slowly diminished, relaxing at the sight of Spencer. "I'm… I'm okay," she eventually managed to say, hoping to get away without more questions. She wiped away the tears that still lingered on her face and put on a brave smile, but Spencer wasn't buying it. Realising that she had some explaining to do, Aria eventually sat down on the concrete and rested her back against the wall. Perhaps talking to Spencer would be better than having to face the museum again.

She waited until Spencer sat down next to her and began, "It's just people, and when they crowd around I can't focus properly. Too many people kind of scrambles my mind and I can't think."  
"How long has this been going on?" Spencer asked; her voice full of concern.  
Aria thought for a moment even though she knew the answer. "Since the night on the train. It's been gradually getting worse."  
"Why didn't you talk to us?"  
Aria shrugged. She genuinely didn't know the answer to that question; it just hadn't felt right or easy to tell anyone about it. Eventually she said, "I didn't want you to think I'm weak."

Spencer reached across and stroked Aria's arm. "No one thinks you're weak. Honestly, you're one of the bravest out the lot of us. You're small, but you're big." She knew that would make Aria smile, and it did. It was a relief to see her smile – it was a nice reassurance that the panic had subsided. "I'm okay at first," Aria explained, "Like when we first got into the museum I was okay, but if I'm constantly having to be in a group of all these people smothering around me then it soon feels like a wave of people and I can't get out."  
"I understand. Whenever we're out in groups or crowded places, just stick with me and I promise I'll help. If you just need to hold my hand so you know I'm there or if you want me to take you somewhere with less people then I will. I won't say anything to the other girls or draw attention to it, just use me when I'm there, okay?"

"Okay," Aria nodded. She smiled gratefully and as they stood up Spencer playfully punched her arm and said, "You're tougher than you think."


	2. Chapter 2

It was almost the end of the day and the girls were sitting in English trying to take down all the notes on the board about _To Kill a Mockingbird. _It was Friday afternoon and so everyone was fighting hard to concentrate as the scrape of the chalk started to sooth the front row to sleep. Spencer however was leaning forward with an avid interest in the annotations, causing Hanna to pursue with her doodle of "Robot Spence". Emily was jotting down notes without bothering to take in what the words said, and Aria was sat in front of her nervously tapping her leg.

She couldn't focus on the board, or the teacher, or anything except her beating heart at that minute. It was pounding against her chest and she couldn't sit still, and she didn't dare look at her hands to see how much they were shaking. She needed to get out of class but she couldn't, because that would raise suspicion and she didn't have a good enough explanation when inevitable questions were asked. Also, she didn't want to be an inconvenience to the teacher or fall behind on work.

Her eyes flitted back and forth from the door to her desk as her leg bounced up and down increasingly, images flashing up in her mind of the gloriously empty corridor. Leaving class meant falling behind on the notes in class, but it wasn't like she was able to make notes even when she was in the room. She took in a deep breath and tucked her arms closer to her body, hating the internal battle that she constantly faced as she fought with the decision of whether to stay or go. She felt herself begin to sweat when all of a sudden a sharp point of a pencil poked her in the right arm, and she turned until her eyes met the assailant.

"You okay?" Spencer mouthed when she was sure no one else was looking. Aria nodded with a quick smile, but she knew her increasingly fidgety leg was betraying her. Unconvinced, Spencer smiled back and turned back to her notes but made sure to watch her friend from the corner of her eye. Every now and then Aria would shift in her seat; tuck her arms in and breathe a shaky breath whilst glancing around anxiously. She wasn't okay.

As Spencer noticed Aria's back rise and fall erratically as she found it harder and harder to breathe, she decided enough was enough. She raised her hand straight up in the air and cleared her throat, drawing every eye in the room onto her stern face. "Yes?" the teacher asked impatiently. "Aria and I have a meeting with the principal about the Christmas dance committee, may we be excused?" She wasn't surprised when the teacher agreed to release them without question – her reputation with multiple clubs, societies, and committees meant that these "meetings" weren't unusual occurrences.

Aria didn't know what the heck Spencer was on about, but she was grateful for it. She sat for a couple of seconds in bewildered silence before gratefully shoving her notepad in her bag and picking up her folder, swiftly following Spencer out of the room. Her hands trembled around the red folder and she stopped breathing entirely as they passed in front of twenty-two sets of eyes in the room, but then she was free. They were in the corridor and it was empty. It was just the two of them, alone.

"Are you okay?" Spencer asked again when they were alone in the corridor. Aria leant against a wall catching her trembling breath, shutting her eyes when tears started to fill them. She didn't feel strong. Emotionally, she felt absolutely destroyed, but now even her physical strength was plummeting. The folder in her arms was a ten ton weight, and her body was even heavier. As her arms fell to her sides the folder clattered to the ground, but the noise was distorted. Everything was distorted and it all seemed to be coming from her uncontrollable heartbeat.

If she tried to move her head everything would take a while to catch up, she didn't know if she was standing or sitting any more, and Spencer's voice was a distant whisper. It was only when she felt two strong arms under her own that she realised her legs were buckling, and Spencer was the only thing keeping her upright. All she wanted was to sink to her knees; to feel the floor beneath her, to check that it was definitely still there.

She felt one of her arms be looped over Spencer's shoulders and it was easier to stand, but her vision was blurred by the tears she didn't even acknowledge to be spilling down her face. Short, sharp breaths drew themselves in every few seconds as Spencer encouraged her to walk, and they did. Slowly, Aria put one foot in front of the other and desperately tried to catch her breath but her lungs were determined to betray her at that moment. Seconds later the classroom door opened behind them, and Aria grabbed tightly onto the hand around her waist.

"It's okay, it's only Emily. I text her," Spencer explained. Aria had no idea how her friend had managed to text whilst holding her upright, but then again she was still convinced that Spencer was part-superhuman. "I said I had a swim meet," Emily explained as she reached down and retrieved the fallen folder. "I don't think we'll be seeing Hanna anytime soon though. She's snoring soundly into her desk. What's happened?"  
"I'll explain later," Spencer said, reassuringly squeezing Aria's hand. "You have your car with you, right?"  
"Yeah, why?"  
"Help me walk Aria to the car, and if she starts freaking out again you have to help her breathe."

Emily was beyond confused, but nevertheless she agreed. She watched Aria cautiously as she took in miniscule breaths and kept her eyes transfixed on the floor. Thankfully, the more they walked the more Aria calmed down, but as they stood by reception and Spencer smoothed talk their way out of school, the small brunette seemed to hold her breath entirely. Spencer rested her hand on Aria's ribs and made a point of counting the amount of times her chest rose and fell, but she didn't make it past one.

Walking out the front door couldn't come soon enough, but eventually they were in the cool air and heading towards Emily's car. Emily opened the back door and sat Aria down, watching as Spencer knelt on the ground in front of her. "Aria, look at me," Spencer said, and Aria obediently trained her eyes on her friend. "It's okay. We're outside. There's no one around but me and Emily." Aria meekly nodded before looking down at the ground, lifting up her heels then replacing them back on the floor, and then doing the same with the balls of her feet. Spencer let her do this a few more times until her breathing began to regulate before suggesting, "Shall we go home?"

"We can go back to mine. No one will be there and I've got plenty of ice cream," Emily said helpfully, hoping she was doing the right thing considering she still had no idea what was happening. "Yeah," Aria said, and moved her feet inside the car. Spencer shut the door and quickly said to Emily, "She's been having these panic attacks but didn't want anyone to know. I'm sorry I pulled you out of class."  
"Seriously it's fine. I just want to know she's okay." Emily climbed into the driver's seat and Spencer sat next to her in the front, deciding to give Aria some privacy but still being only an arm reach away.

It wasn't long before they were at Emily's; Spencer was busy getting the ice cream from the freezer while Emily sat on the sofa and Aria on the floor. Now that the panic attack had subsided, Aria started to explain how long they had been happening for and how Spencer had been helping her. "It's not that I didn't want to tell you, I just didn't want you to think I was weak."  
"Aria, I would never think you were weak, and I know Hanna wouldn't either. You've been strong for as long as I can remember and it's okay that every now and then you need to step back for a bit."  
"Speaking of Hanna, where is she?" Spencer asked as she arrived with tubs of Ben and Jerry's.

"I text her telling her to come over here, but she's in detention for sleeping in class so it'll probably be a while," Emily explained. "So what can I do to help? Like do you need to breathe into a bag or something?" Aria smiled at how Emily really wanted to help, and then said, "I don't need a bag, just the occasional reminder that I need to breathe. The best thing is to help ground me. That's why I rock back and forth on my heels sometimes, because it makes me aware of the floor beneath my feet. And then it just helps afterward to sit on the floor like this, so every now and then I can check it's still there."

When she was finished Aria smiled, hoping she didn't sound too weird, but then felt relieved when Emily smiled back at her understandingly and said, "Okay, so no paper bags." Spencer and Emily sank back into the sofa as they found a film to watch, and Aria shifted on the floor so her back was resting against the sofa and she was closest to Spencer. As she felt tender fingers reach out and make gentle circles on the back of her neck, she realised that no matter what, when it came to calming her down there was nothing compared to Spencer's touch.


End file.
